It's Never Enough

The day looks different through the eyes of "loss."

Losing Grandpa has, in one day, brought even MORE to our attention, the importance of family. Every moment we can spend with those we love. And keeping ourselves healthy in EVERY WAY POSSIBLE.

We joined the gym this morning. Some of that was pure coincidence. It has been something we have gone back and forth on - cost versus our limited time in town. But going for a run had an extra weight of importance today...

And tonight I spent time with my parents, my sister, my brother-in-law, and 2 of my nieces. Shelby - one of my beautiful nieces - is our little gymnast. Tonight she was in the state gymnastics meet at David Lipscomb - RIGHT in my neighborhood!!! She did SUCH a great job, and I was so proud to watch her compete tonight.

Here's my Champion!!!!! You're looking at one of the top 10 year old gymnasts in the state of Tennessee!!!

(We had our celebration dinner at Pei Wei.)

And sweet little Ansley - one of my other nieces- sat in my lap the WHOLE gym meet. We got a lot of good hang out time packed in tonight. I know WAY more about Strawberry Shortcake and her adventures now :) (And I thought I already knew a lot about her!)


No matter how much time we get to spend with those we love... it's never enough. And that's something that death points out in a pretty harsh way. But I am so thankful for all the time I have ALREADY had with those I love. And I will continue to cherish every moment as much as possible.

Peace. Love. Fiddle.
~natalie

Oh Those Nerves

Anxiety has been on my mind today.

People are always asking, "Do you get nervous?"

And yeah, of course. But I get nervous a LOT less often than I used to. Nervousness is just a normal reaction when you are stressed or worried about something. But I never wanted to call it nerves... At least with performing.... I like to refer to it as "excitement". I always pictured those butterflies in my stomach fluttering around just getting me ready for what I was about to do... letting me know it was way cooler than a "normal activity" like eating an apple or watching tv. It's the same reason we get nervous around another person when we have a crush - your body does the same thing. You get that flutter, your heart feels like it is beating so hard other people can hear it, you start to sweat.... even if you are cold... It's just your body's way of getting excited.

Anxiety is the worst leading up to an event, though. I am always WAY more nervous for things up until I actually get on stage. Once I get on that stage, though, I know what I am there to do, and I feel at home. That comes with practice and rehearsing. If you do something enough times - so that you REALLY know it - it'll be second-nature. That doesn't mean it is easy. But it just means you'll be able to get through it :)

There was a time when anxiety would make me physically sick. And it still does to this day - sometimes I don't even realize it. I don't even know I am "stressed" about something until I get that feeling in the pit of my stomach or I feel like I am about eh em.... hurl.

But whether my sickness is caused by nerves or a stomach bug or whatever - the BEST thing is to push through it. It is the most rewarding feeling in the world to be so sick that you just don't think you can do something, but SOMEHOW make yourself get through it. That's where the real test is. And that's when you learn the most about yourself.

It all boils down to confidence. (As with so many things in life) We learn to trick our brains... or maybe I should say... train our brains to doing what we want. It comes into play with SO many different kinds of things. Believing in yourself is one of THE most important things in this life. It doesn't matter whether it is public speaking, singing, playing a sport or making friends - it is all derived from your confidence in yourself. The most popular kids in school or the biggest Hollywood stars out there have all the same fears and concerns that the rest of us do. It's just that the "popular" kids are better at hiding those concerns. I wish I had understood that when I was in middle school and high school. I wish I had understood that "popularity" is nothing more than exuding confidence. NOT Arrogance. There's a difference. :) Confidence and Compassion. Those are the keys.

I was a gymnast as a kid. I thought I was going to the Olympics. My sister was an incredible gymnast, but her injuries prevented her from continuing. Me? I got a job at Opryland.

But the cool thing was, they always had me do back handsprings and flips in the shows out at Opryland. So it made me feel like I got to continue that sport I loved so much... even though I had to quit. I got rustier as the years went on because I wasn't practicing anymore. Every time I would rev up to do a flip - if I had even a TWINGE of doubt about my ability... it wouldn't go well. I learned pretty quickly to tell myself before each flip - "you are awesome at flipping!" Most of the time it worked... but if I didn't REALLY believe it, that doubt would slip in and inevitably.... those would be the only times I would injure myself. Part of it too, was the distraction doubt would cause - I would lose concentration for a split second and forget "arms straight, spot, legs together, good jump, squeeze your butt..." all the stuff that makes up a good flip....

This topic brings to mind one of my FAVORITE stories from Kid's Club Days. My wonderful friend Janet Ivey was the adult in the show. We said a prayer each day before the shows. And this one day I was SICK AS A DOG. I had been throwing up all day. At this point I don't remember if that was a "nerves" day or a stomach flu day or what (probably nerves knowing me, though). Everyone circled up for prayer, and I was face down on the couch. Janet said "Dear God, Please help Natalie to stop blowing chunks so she can put on a good show" Ahhh.. Best prayer EVER.

But that's the thing. If you can push through, be confident, and KNOW that you can do something... you always can.

Lord, when I sang for the President? I was incredibly nervous. But I KNOW I can sing "God Bless America" so there's no reason for me to actually be nervous about it. My stomach could go crazy, my hands could shake, but I KNEW I could do it. And I did :)

Something that also helps me is to focus on the good things. I always say a prayer, and I thank God for "the gifts I have been given" and I ask him to "use me" for His will. It doesn't matter if that is singing for thousands of people or doing a speech for a class. It's all the same. It all boils down to believing in yourself and having the confidence to push through even when you don't want to. You know why? If you can train yourself to do it when it isn't a big deal... like a class or a rehearsal... or something. THEN when it IS a big deal - you KNOW you can do it!

I used to hear kids Berklee say "I really want to be in Singer's Showcase, but I am not ready to audition for it yet. I am too nervous" But I never understood that. The best way to get over being nervous about auditioning is to... AUDITION! Audition for anything and everything you can!!! And then by the time it is an audition that is REALLY important to you, you'll have that whole "audition thing" down. It took me 3 semesters to get into Showcase. But each time I learned something, made corrections, and then I made it the next 5 semesters straight.

I don't mean to be all up on my soap box tonight. But the issues of self-confidence and anxiety are all around us. And I feel like I have heard a lot about people I care about dealing with them lately. And since this is my little place to purge my thoughts - I figured I better get it out of my system. I don't pretend to have all the answers. This is all the stuff that has made sense to me over the years. I have about a million other stories that have come to mind. But I am sure I will eventually have a place for them :) So I am going to stop now.

The guys are probably wondering where I am. I left the hotel room an hour ago in a pensive mood and didn't say where I was going! :)

Peace, Love, Fiddle, and Self-confidence,
~natalie